I know that I am done when I am not counting anymore, and I have lost count. I sure just hope that all this travel and pain is not in vain. Gabi and Izze are such sweet girls. They are both very strong, independent, and courageous little ladies. This last treatment I really realized what a whiner I am. I felt like I wanted to throw a tantrum more than once, and I look at my girls and see their brave and stalwart faces gritting their teeth and trudging forward with their responsibilities as strong women would do. I want to give up. I want to throw in the towel. I want to bury my head under my pillow and pretend it's not happening. I hate to pack. I hate to know that I have to calm Izze's anxieties about us leaving again. I hate feeling like I am lying to her. I hate to leave her. I hate to pretend like everything is OK, and it's not that bad, and it's not that hard. I hate to pack for something I don't want to do. Isn't packing for trips and vacations? I want to distance myself, and I feel like when I am not needed to be strong and when I have a moment to myself I mentally walk away from the situation.
Gabi starts here first day of Kindergarten tomorrow and I want to tell her so badly that it's a new beginning, a fresh start, no more treatments, a new chapter...but I can't.
She received 16ml of Ethanol this time. She was terribly swollen and once the swelling in her eye went down she hasn't been able to close it without using her hand to do so. It has been a challenge keeping drops and moisture in her eye. She wants to be outside, playing with friends and enjoying summer, but when her cheek is all blistered and her eye can't close and is dry and red it just hard to be a kid and have fun. Somehow, she keeps a smile on her face and a great attitude. We have had to keep A ton of ointments and creams on her burns and drops and eye lubricants in her eyes. I have had to tape her eye shut at night so she doesn't get severely dry eye and cause damage to her cornea. She is down to two small, but deep scabs left to heal, and her eye still won't close but it probably won't for a while yet.
I know I keep saying it, but it truly is amazing how she can find good through it all.
Love you Gabs! I hope you're done soon.
2 days after treatment
5 Days after treatment
12 days after treatment
